The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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