If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm really busy with my period
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