she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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