You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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