your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
