I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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