I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
