After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
