dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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