On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
40s are totally the cure
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
