the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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