Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
