I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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