a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
