You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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