If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
