oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
