I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
