i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
