Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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