I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It was a blind-side dick pic.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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