Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
bring money and cleavage
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
