I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
