My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
