We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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