I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
