Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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