Me too!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
