So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
