He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
