I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
