What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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