mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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