Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
