3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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