literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
