I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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