so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
