I can tuck mytits in my pants
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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