Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
