Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
