the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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