This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we made out on top of his cat.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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