He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
