Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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