I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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