8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
