I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
