this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize