Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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