i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think my moral compass just broke
dude. I can hear the air.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
