bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
