My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
