I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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