Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
FUCK WHALES
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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