I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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