You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
