sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize