you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
