Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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