I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
