I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
