The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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