If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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