hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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